Posted on Trumpet Wind Ministries Prophetic Email List
A HARD MINISTER'S HEART
by Pam Clark
The article I just posted on our TWM Email List by David Wilkerson, "A Cry Without A Voice" really touched me. It spoke of the struggles many of us have in having vital ministry. We expect certain things from or for others that only God can give.
Sometimes I feel jabbing pains in my back. I sadly learned a long time ago that often this is a word of knowledge manifestation of being back-stabbed by someone. You don't always know who, but you know it's there. I had dreams in the past that confirmed this by the evidence of reality. And it further proved to be true in another circumstances by evidence. We can feel the force of people's words.
Now people can get carried away with what manifestation means what, and because it's not an exact science, sometimes what we think are "feelings" and understandings, we can miss it by a wide country mile. And so it's a Spiritual language we must learn of how God responds to us and not judge other men. Sometimes it is a word of knowledge about someone else, or something they endure. But it also may be a struggle to come up into another level. Because in Him, we can handle it.
As I was expressing this pain to the Lord this morning, I asked Him, why after I acknowledge this offense that I am feeling, do You not take it away? And I felt He replied to me because I have to forgive them. Ouch!!! I feel this knife and you won't take it away??? He replied by impression, I want My Oil to ease it out. Then it will not bother you again later. That meant I was the one who had to do the work!
If you are a God seeker, people often don't understand you. And because they don't, people will attack you in an attempt to make you fit a mold or paradigm that they want you to fit into. Sometimes as a Christian, you know when people are mocking you. It happens! I told one friend, "I may be weak, but I am not stupid," because I knew what their opinion was. I was being placated and I was considered foolish for believing something they did not and could not see the same way I saw it. But I could not respond in defense. It wouldn't work!
You can't fight another person's mindset, you can only pray. Spirits you can fight with spiritual warfare - you can bind, loose, and apply the Word of God. By doing that, you establish the Kingdom of God as a Foundation in your life and hopefully theirs. Then the Rock speaks by His mere Presence.
Some people get hurt because they thought wrong. Their unwanted pride offends them and it's painful. They will lash out. It's not that they chose to have it that way but they inherited it through the curse of fallen man. It's not an excuse for it, it's just a reality we have to deal with - people stink sometimes! We cover it as best we can, but even cute little babies stink on a regular basis if you feed them!
Life has hard realities. One time I was highly offended by what a respected friend had to say. I knew it was wrong. I tried to repent for a wrong I had done, but the wrong wasn't there and so it was a false repentance that God said I could not have and justify. So I was offended at the false offense! I was angry even. I was ready to cut the person off and then I heard the Lord say, "Will you forgive them for MY sake?" Oh my.... that is not what I wanted to hear, because I had an easier solution, but the love I felt for God was so strong that I said, "Yes, Lord, for Your sake, I will forgive that person."
Now when I am wrong, I know I am wrong. The Holy Spirit is the best Convicter in the world! But here, God was asking a favor of me. He was revealing to me that there were extenuating circumstances. I also knew it was an act of mercy that I might desire to have extended to me sometime. We can live such selfish lives.
We can get knowledge of how God's Kingdom should work and really be right about it because we've studied it, but then God asks a favor of us to forgive. Oh God, why didn't you make this easy??? What's in it for me? (ha ha) Stephen, the first martyr forgave the later Apostle Paul. God made up with His Presence the heart of Stephen.
Sometimes we really want pats on the back about how we care for people, but the greatest act is forgiveness. There are many times where we can only do that by the Spirit of God. In "our" world of justice, we can "see" how it "ought" to be dealt with! Sometimes we really wish the 7 fold judgment to come back upon that person because of the pain they inflicted intentionally and unjustifiably. And sometimes we are ignorant of the pain we have caused others - it wasn't willfull in our hearts or theirs to do that. God has mercy. But the other person still felt it. Do we wish evil then?
But all I have just written is only a preface to what I want to bring up. I was watching a show on tv last night, channel surfing and there was one of those dating shows where the women and men are trying to impress each other with gross exhibitions of their sexuality and it's really trashy. As I watched the show of this slut, to say it accurately, I knew she had no knowledge of God or fear of God. If you preached the conviction that God was going to judge her and she could go to hell, she would not have responded with conviction or tears but resistance. She had developed her "skills" and was proud of her seductive and profane accomplishments.
She was Sodom and Gomorrah. She flaunted it. Men were to be had and she had a skill to get them. Another man like a sucker was being seduced and was falling into her trap. So much of society is like that today. Watching her callousness and pride of evil made me angry at her.
It wasn't personal because I didn't know her, but she revulsed me. She was a lost soul without any conviction in her at all. She would not care about my life at all, as she was obviously very much into herself. She'd take what she wanted without feeling remorse. Disease was just something you could tell she had to put up with - just an obstacle in her path to fulfillment.
I found myself agreeing with God's judgment for Sodom and Gomorrah. Another show had been on earlier on 20/20 about teen sex today. They said that 45% of middle school students had active sex lives! We are talking about young teens, some pre-teens, who were having sex at school and the sport of getting away with it, showing off in front of their peers.
How far away we are from its being an expression of love! The program (20/20) showed a chaparoned school dance of the kids bumping and grinding in an obvious sexual context with their clothes on, leaving nothing to the imagination. Rick Joyner recently pointed out that kids today think if it's not full intercourse, then it's not really sex.
Adults understand sexual feelings but Godly adults understand that there is a sacred expression of it. It's not meant to be casual and flippant. It's not meant to be cheap and the wrong expression of it can deeply damage souls. The blindness to real love is a gross darkness over people. The offense I had felt at watching this girl "flaunt her stuff" was really an offense at her darkness.
Only God truly knows her heart. All the evidence I saw pointed to depravity. She is a sure candidate for hell if no one approaches her with the love of Christ. But what concerned me most of all was my indifference as I cut the television off. I had no compassion for her! She was like a leader in all that was wrong (but not really, she was just a demonic trophy). When you see so many things that are callous, you can become desensitized. But if we don't do it wisely, we lose ourselves!
Murder, sex and violence are the most common themes now. It seems the "norm" but it's not. How confused kids and some adults must be when they see seduction and violent entertainment and then people going to prison for the same things. Even their childhood toys are violence oriented. For some it is stress relief for them because of the anger inside.
But as I was cutting her off of my set, the Lord showed me that I was cutting her off in my heart. It scared me! I was cutting her off when I should have had a prayer. Because I knew He had died for her, but I had judged her. And I am a minister! But first, I am a Christian! Was I God enough to do that? No. I had not paid The Price for her. I haven't always been "an angel" but I haven't felt I was "that bad"! But am I? Sin is sin.
I heard someone say recently that when someone asked, "Why doesn't God just get all the evil out of the world?" the reply was, "Because then He would have to get rid of you, too!" Ouch!
We live in difficult times. People have been hurt in ways that we cannot see. We can't always see what is going on inside another person's heart and mind, but we can see their changes if we allow for it. Because the times are tough, that does not let us off of the duty to minister, if we are Christians. We just have to do it more and more, not defiling ourselves in the process. And the temptations are out there!
The Church has had many painful scandals where ministers did not regard the soul of another human being and God judged it. The sin was not so much the act as it was the heart. For the sake of one prostitute, God has brought down mega ministries.
We can get wrong information. We can believe wrong thoughts. Our minds must be renewed to the Word of God or we won't survive. Some make that hard for others to do - that is so wrong!
Love is an expression that God is looking for in us. It only counts if we do it the right way. He has great mercy but also great demands. When we tell folks it's real easy, we don't tell them the whole truth. It's not easy, but it is fulfilling! It is rewarding! Your prayer life is worth a lot. Things that hinder that hurt you deeply.
We need to find that acceptance with God. We need to break through the veil that so overshadows us into a true joyous life! We need to find the security within that can stand in the face of trials and persecutions. We need to forgive ourselves and let that womb of relationship with God develop. That must be birthed within, or our Gospel is in vain!
It's not quick fixes and formulas. It's not songs and dances and acts of expressive service. It's first and foremost personal relationship with God. We have been desensitized to the Gospel from our early years. We have lies deeply imbedded that if we just do this or that we are okay and we know we are not. Only when we can hear Him say that He sees our value can we grow and mature. That Love has a dynamite power. We need to see a broken world and have compassion. People lament that hell sermons don't get it anymore. Maybe they aren't supposed to.
We need to see our own lives and have compassion. We can't blame others for our problems. Our problem is with God. We aren't seeing it His way. We can get angry at ministers and parents and leaders and teachers, but the problem is ours. We can even be mad at God, but the problem is ours.
Offenses will surely come. But some solutions only come in having compassion. Many admire the judgment of God but have not met the criteria of His compassion. Many exalt the "take over" move of God that is "coming" but it's not coming from without but from within! Other's anger at you, including the devil's himself, cannot hinder you from a relationship with God if you want it. You just have to seek it to find it. It's there.
People are hurt over heart issues. They've been betrayed. They've been hurt. They've been attacked and wounded and set up. But God has the Way and the answer through Jesus His Son. He says you are valuable. He says He cares. It works. Renew your mind with His power. It's Love. It's self acceptance. It's God loving and liking even you! Then - you will find His Ways rewarding and it will be a joy to follow Him.