ANOTHER CRITICAL QUESTION:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side.
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it
Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on that chicken.
Ronald Reagan: I forgot.
Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken
crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did NOT cross the road.
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who
cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies
whatever motive there was.
Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't
anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was the chicken
doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
Ellen: Chickens should be able to do whatever they please. So it's a little funny. It's their bodies, let them do what they want. If they want to get run over by a mack truck, what is that to you?
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken
crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Oliver Stone: The questions is not, Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time,
whom we overlooked in our hast to observe the chicken
Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally
selected in such a way that they are now genetically
disposed to cross roads.
Buddha: Asking this questions denies your own chicken nature.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Andersen Legal Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was
threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with
significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for
the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering
relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical
distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry
Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills,
methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's
people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a
Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-
spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants
with deep skills in the transporation industry to engage in a two-day
itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital,
both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in
order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully
architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the
continuuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-
like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was
strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear,
and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision,
and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business
integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chick change to become
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn ' t about me.......
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I ' m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and by the way he walks.
Do you mean to tell me that in this day and time that a chicken REALLY crossed the road? By himself? What is America coming to?
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
To die in the rain. Alone.
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ......... reboot.
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
I invented the chicken!
Where's my gun?